Create A Secure Unadulterated Relationship With The True Self. Simple, Not Easy. Until It Is.

The idea here is to learn to allow yourself to feel your emotions (inner somatic energy) so that your emotions don’t get stuck inside of your nervous system, which may lead to emotional, physical, relationship, family, social and work related disconnections in your life.

If by allowing yourself to vulnerably feel the present moment, you may become flooded with many emotions at once. This simply proves again you are full functioning healthy human. This strom too shall pass. Don't resist, don't trap the energy, don't try to control or think or project this energy onto others. Simply ride the current wave and if you get to choose the next one, do so more consciously.

If your consistent patterns of emotional "wave riding" are so intense that they overwhelm your coping skills, this is a sign you may need help learning how to experience and feel and enjoy your emotions in such a way which is more gentle, more manageable and more life affirming.

For this type of inner healing and growth work, Somatic Experiencing is freaking awesome! It is a bottom up (embodied energy) approach (as opposed to thinking top down or cognitive healing modalities) that engage the body to release trapped energy and life long patterns.

SE therapists are trained to assist people to experience their emotions in a safe, slow and titrated way.

“The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel van der Kolk is one foundational SE book for anybody interested in learning more about how emotions and traumas get stuck in our bodies, and most importantly, what to do about it. We can all choose to do this inner consciousness raising work, no pressure, no blame, no stigma. It simply creates more inner space in our calmer central nervous systems to hold our true self through whatever emotion comes up. We learn to live more fully and vitality. We teach our Self to be whole again. WE get rid of the life long baked on crud and inner gunk with grace, humour and humility. We have so fucking got this! More life, more awareness, more joy. All of us. Once we choose and realise The Most Important Unconditional Secure Relationship, is firstly with The True Self. So let's explore more how we may arrive there.

To heal from remaining unhealthy childhood "conditions" "trauma" or "patterns", those once very real and very wise psychological survival methods we developed as a child to remain attached NO MATTER WHAT to our principal care providers. This was our survivalist lizard brain taking good care of us way back then. We did whatever it took to remain connected as best we could at that time. These wise childhood somatic patterns, repetitive habits and any behavioural "addictions" that we used then for connection to our parents may no longer best serve us now. It may be time to review those once wise or chaotic or anxious or depressive patterns and begin to cleanse, heal, let go and learn new ways.

As an adult now the somatic inner work (self healing) you may choose to do is to let go of these once needed childhood psychological survival (or attachment) patterns.

Once your body realises it is IS now safe to slowly practice letting go of all that is NOT really you.

Those old wise ways still energetically stored in the body that once served you well to help you stay attached to your principal care provider as a child.

This was once your ONLY priority.

As a child, you quickly learned to survive (stay attached) the best way you could.

To remain what you thought then was " a safe and secure way" in your childhood environment.

And sometimes those environments were absolutely challenging and chaotic and not at all pleasant.

Yes, they were often extremely traumatising, but you still survived.

By modifying and adapting and shape shifting your childhood patterns of behaviour to remain attached. No matter what that pattern of childhood survival may have looked like. Kids are supper smart and energetically switched on and they will do whatever it takes to remain attached. Even if it means losing (or not even developing) an authentic Self.

Childhood Behaviours and wise patterns of remaining attached to parents include (but are NOT limited) to the following;

Fawning, freezing, fighting, fleeing, rebellion, developing unhealthy shame and guilt dependencies, daily OCD coping strategies, addictions to anything, substances, stories, lying, hiding, people pleasing, enabling others harmful patterns, enmeshing and fusing with a parent (creating a "mini me"), co dependency, strict indoctrination and blind obedience, retreat into fantasy, books or in room isolations, passive aggressive silence and lack of witnessing others in open mature conflict resolution, stuffing your true self down to keep the peace, walking on eggshells waiting for the next adult explosion, shutting up and putting up with less than you deserved or were actually entitled to from your "care" providers, not having your basic needs for food, clothing, shelter, love and human bonding adequately met, projecting any hurts onto others, bullying, becoming needy or whiney or insecure or blaming others, harmful sibling favouritism or excessively competitive rivalry, parenting your parents from too early an age, age inappropriate exposure to toxic or harmful adult behaviours and addictions (porn, violence, excessive alcohol, sexualisation, illicit or recreational or medical drug dependency, emotional detachment and unavailability, any parental unhealed patterns unconsciously passed on)

Children are repeatedly exposed throughout childhood to both the healed (integrated whole or "positive") and un healed (dis integrated or "negative") energy (state of consciousness) their parents or principal care providers carry.

This is true for all children (even those NOT raised by birth parents) so every single child has some form of exposure to one or more of the "patterns" listed above. Hopefully you were raised by parents who were more whole and integrated so you may now have less adult "healing" (re integration) to do.

Maybe you don't yet see any unhealed unconscious childhood patterns or if you do, you may simply choose to ignore and project? And that's OK too, providing you don't hurt your Self or others or pass your unhealed gunk onto children... that's if you consciously choose to have them.

Children learn basic survival skills early, even if this meant splitting off from their true self. Children learn through witnessing parents and copying them so they learn disassociation, enabling, enmeshment or people pleasing and perfectionism from parents. Children may not NOT even develop an authentic sense of an individuated Self and this is now widely recognised as developmental connection trauma.

As Children, you once did whatever it took to stay attached.

As an adult, It may be time to let all those once wise but now unneeded patterns go.

It is now safe (or when it IS safe to do so) to Let go of living behind those protective patterns of control and/or inauthentic being. Returning to the love of an unadulterated state of compassion, grace and open heartedness for the true Self is the journey we can all choose as self healers.

This never ending journey of an increasingly more nuanced awareness and subtle state of feeling and gentle being is lived with appropriate sovereign boundaries of knowing where your energetic body starts and finishes. You own your shit and let others do the same. Without blame, guilt or "telling"

You stop running from your Self, you regulate and slow down your inner central nervous system and draw a line in the intergenerational sand and decide to own your own patterns.

You gently call your Self out, you meet your self with more compassion and grace, you become more accountable to your Self as you are become more aware of those once very much needed childhood survival patterns.

Then Ask your increasingly more vulnerable true Self often, "Do I still need to hang onto anything?, those once wise repeating patterns that served me well? But now as an adult, can I keep growing and shifting and evolving and still be content with where I am at this exact moment? Or can I let more go? Give it all up? Isn't THAT interesting? I wonder? What IS my full human potential? Do I even want to tap into that? And be happy with whatever comes....no pressure, no rush, no panic or chaos to run away and get anywhere... Close your eyes now and simply Be at Home"

We slowly learn to release and release again and meet our newer versions of Self with growing compassion, more grace and deeper understanding of our true nature.

You can choose to return there, to return home to who you have always been, to your own state of Being whole before other people's "terms and conditions" were imposed. Or you imposed on your Self.

This homecoming is a return towards an integrated wholeness which encompasses and embraces the dark (all of the classic Jung's Shadow, NOT an artificially ascended "love and light" spiritual by pass and inauthentic perpetual positivity happy clapping perfection... THAT shit really gets boring and tiring)

This self healing is carefully supported with appropriate somatic titration, agency and resources. Somatic Experiencing is one such way to descend into the body and release and heal trapped emotion and energy. There are many others. Find one or more method that supports self healing towards wholeness and serves your nervous system best.

Only you can choose how that healing may start and progresses.

Only you may (as a grown ass adult now) hold your true Self compassionately accountable by not projecting your shit onto others by trying to blame, save, fix, advise or heal others (unless or course they directly seek assistance and ask by being vulnerably open to being seen, heard and to be safely held and witnessed and received. Those people, spaces and communities totally rock! Love our healers, men's circles and yoga tribe)

That vulnerable healing and open communication can be incredibly scary to our central nervous systems if we have learnt to live behind armoured emotional walls, unfeeling with denial or addictions, by passing, projecting, repeating unhelpful patterns, finger pointing and blaming and projecting onto others or running away from our true Self (figuratively OR literally) and existing in the fog of emotionally disassociated states simply because that was how you once wisely survived as a child. Time to level up, time to take charge, time to do the work and get more gentle, get tender, get caring, get more vulnerable and loving and fiercely accepting of every single part or what makes up your whole. Even the shameful and ugly and hard to love ugly bits for they are the pure gold of the key to living fully. As one of my dearest teachers, Jeff Foster, says. "Even The Dog Shit Is Holy"

and my best friend replies "Just don't over stink it..."

You May Feel it intensely, but hold it all lightly.

Then laugh yo sweet arse off as you get out of your own weigh... (sic)

Now through this growing grace of full integration and with self compassion, more self love and more self kindness and a fierce inner resolve of knowing and owning your own unadulterated free will, you can simply stay in your own inter dependent lane. You become grounded and unwavering and your inner resolve becomes palpable from 20 or more paces. You realise this for your self. On daily repeat.

You now know more clearly what is still yours to heal and what others may still have to realise for them Self, you can freely commune in community without draining attachments, you can volunteer to support others (if they choose and ask and want to be helped) and you can freely pay the good shift forward by being imperfectly perfect and not taking your True Self So Goddamned seriously.

You can choose to live your own best life from moment to moment, stop leaking your own life force and vitality by running around like a blue assed fly trying to save The World or others, you retain your own energy for your own continued check ins and self pattern interruption, you ensure your own cup is full first, you slow TF down more, you become more vitally alive and no longer live in little armoured tight small boxes, you choose to live more consciously by destressing and not sweating the little things, you prioritise a shorter list of essentials, you prioritise The Whole Self by gladly and easily saying "that's me", you prioritise nourishing connections to Self and others by going within, contemplating more, being more responsive and less reactive, asking better questions, being both interesting and interested, wondering more, being in awe more, being more curious, sitting comfortably with uncertainty and not knowing the answers, celebrating daily successes and remaining grateful, content and humble by co creating joy, fun and innocent absurd mischief with other awesome beings without habitual patterns of drugs, moaning and whinging or over sharing and gossiping, taking anything in excess (especially your self seriously, seriously....) or doing somatic or physical or emotional harm to self or others, by being an asshole. Rule number One? No assholes. Especially those arrogant entitled assholes selling back to you what is already freely yours. Sorry, not sorry dickheads of dogma and old skool white elitist controlling abandoned fearful unaware mostly power hungry little boys... (and some girls...)

After and during all of that good shift you then remain free and vulnerable enough to laugh loudly at the absolute absurdity of life.

It's not like any of us are getting out of here alive...

So live each moment fully.

Realise This For Your True Self, it's actually the simplest thing on earth.

#atmagnanam