Parenting and The Institute of Child Psychology and The Gottman Institute

“Much of today’s popular advice to parents ignores emotion”

says Dr. Gottman.

“Instead it relies on child-rearing theories that address children’s misbehaviour, but disregards the feelings that underlie that misbehaviour.

The ultimate goal of raising children should not be simply to have an obedient and compliant child.

Most parents hope for much more for their children.”

Gottman’s research also discovered that love by itself wasn’t enough.

“We found that concerned, warm, and involved parents often had attitudes toward their and their children’s emotions that got in the way … when the child was sad or afraid or angry,” he writes.

“The secret to being an emotionally intelligent parent lay in how parents interacted with their children when emotions ran hot.”

"The researchers ultimately determined that successful parents tended to do five very simple things with their children when they were emotional.

Gottman calls these five elements “Emotion Coaching.”

He discovered that children who had “Emotion Coaches” for parents were on an entirely different, more positive developmental trajectory than the children of other parents.

Gottman and other researchers also observed that children benefit the most when parents themselves have a strong relationship.

“In families where the parents aren’t living with each other or are not going to stay married, the parents can best help their children by minimizing their children’s exposure to destructive conflict.

High levels of parental conflict create emotional distress in children and decrease effective parenting skills.”

What parents are saying about the Emotion Coaching program:

This stuff is so important – you don’t want to mess this up…. it’s your kids!

We were having issues with our 4 year old daughter. I realized when she became angry or frustrated, I checked out!

After reading about Emotion Coaching and changing my reaction to her, she has completely changed, because I changed.

The interplay of personal stories and discussion of research findings brought Emotion Coaching alive for me as something within my ability to do, and so very worth working hard at.

According to Dr Gottman, one should validate a child’s feelings and mean what you say. He gives solid examples.

Within one week of applying the advice, my child cries remarkably less. She even came to me to say that she loves me “for helping her help herself to solve her problems.”

It has benefited not only my parenting but my personal and business relationships… Realistically addresses not only my children but me as a parent, without making me feel guilty or stupid. We all have to deal with fun and frustration, cuddling and craziness…it helped me find great perspective on all those aspects of being a part of a family.

Emotion Coaching:

The Heart of Parenting presents a 5-step method that builds emotional intelligence and creates positive, long lasting effects for children from toddler to teens.

Easy to learn, and used by parents, educators and care-givers, it supports kids through life’s ups and downs in a way that builds confidence and helps them grow socially, emotionally and intellectually.

Researchers have found that even more than IQ, your emotional awareness and ability to handle feelings will determine your success and happiness in all walks of life.

Acclaimed researchers and therapists Drs. John and Julie Gottman present this proven program to show you how to be there for your child when it really counts.

Learn the best ways to respond when your child is sad, angry, or scared
Discover how to use emotions as opportunities for connection and teaching
Learn how to set clear, consistent limits while helping your child problem-solve